Hold your thanks and applause.
I figured out how to slow down time. It’s simple. It’s August and I saw tinsel on sale. This fast-forwarded me to a Christmas that hasn’t happened yet and sped up my summer. So it makes sense to conclude if I rewind to something that’s already happened, it’ll slow down summer.
That’s why I’m going back to cover more of BlogHer ’15 even though I already did a comma and BlogHer recap. Now you get to have a longer summer.
Also, due to gross negligence, while all caught up in commas, I failed to mention the ripped, shirtless guys at the BlogHer expo offering “hugs that don’t hurt.” Along with the buff 6’4 McModels at the closing party, it was hard to decide whether the women should enjoy the young men or be insulted that someone felt the need to throw them at us as if we were the counterparts of dirty old men.
There are pictures of the hot, topless, possibly not-straight guys on BlogHer’s Flickr. But I’m not linking to the account because I’m not BlogHer’s publicist. As a substitute, here’s a choice awkward picture of GG mid-chew among all the lovely women.
I salsa-danced with one of the McModels because I knew Aussa was recording me on her phone, but even as a joke, I felt icky. Not sure why. Maybe I was wondering, if hired gorgeous gals in tight booby tees at a men’s convention would be considered sexist, why wouldn’t this?
I told Aussa, “I’m not putting that on the video.” But the Exceptionally Tall Man – the one I live with – said, “Do it, it fits the tone of the video.”
So there you go. Time in a headlock for you. Hold your thanks and applause. Instead, watch our BlogHer video below. It’s different from last year’s satirical video. Think of this year’s as more verité, capturing the frivolity and low-brow thrills particular only to a women’s conference. Oops, I meant, feminism. At BlogHer, everything’s justified when labeled as feminism. By that virtue, please watch our feminist video, “Geisha and Ninja (Oops) Do BlogHer Again,” and the bonus “Geisha and Ninja Dance Off Redux.” Holy shit, that’s a cornucopia of feminism.* At least according to BlogHer.
*It’s possible that after the conference I don’t know anymore what feminism means, but I’m pretty sure nobody else did either.
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