I Put Time in a Headlock for You


Hold your thanks and applause.

I figured out how to slow down time. It’s simple. It’s August and I saw tinsel on sale. This fast-forwarded me to a Christmas that hasn’t happened yet and sped up my summer. So it makes sense to conclude if I rewind to something that’s already happened, it’ll slow down summer.

That’s why I’m going back to cover more of BlogHer ’15 even though I already did a comma and BlogHer recap. Now you get to have a longer summer.

Also, due to gross negligence, while all caught up in commas, I failed to mention the ripped, shirtless guys at the BlogHer expo offering “hugs that don’t hurt.” Along with the buff 6’4 McModels at the closing party, it was hard to decide whether the women should enjoy the young men or be insulted that someone felt the need to throw them at us as if we were the counterparts of dirty old men.

There are pictures of the hot, topless, possibly not-straight guys on BlogHer’s Flickr. But I’m not linking to the account because I’m not BlogHer’s publicist. As a substitute, here’s a choice awkward picture of GG mid-chew among all the lovely women.


Blogher15I salsa-danced with one of the McModels because I knew Aussa was recording me on her phone, but even as a joke, I felt icky. Not sure why. Maybe I was wondering, if hired gorgeous gals in tight booby tees at a men’s convention would be considered sexist, why wouldn’t this?

I told Aussa, “I’m not putting that on the video.” But the Exceptionally Tall Man – the one I live with – said, “Do it, it fits the tone of the video.”

So there you go. Time in a headlock for you. Hold your thanks and applause. Instead, watch our BlogHer video below. It’s different from last year’s satirical video. Think of this year’s as more verité, capturing the frivolity and low-brow thrills particular only to a women’s conference. Oops, I meant, feminism. At BlogHer, everything’s justified when labeled as feminism. By that virtue, please watch our feminist video, “Geisha and Ninja (Oops) Do BlogHer Again,” and the bonus “Geisha and Ninja Dance Off Redux.” Holy shit, that’s a cornucopia of feminism.* At least according to BlogHer.

*It’s possible that after the conference I don’t know anymore what feminism means, but I’m pretty sure nobody else did either.


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  1. Awesome sauce.

    1. Thanks for watching!

  2. Sreejit Poole · · Reply

    Hilarious. It doesn’t get better than the dance off. I felt I was watching Grey’s Anatomy for a second there. I was laughing when I saw the photo cause your mid chewing is very “lady like,” so glad to see you chowing down at the end of the video.

    1. I haven’t watched Grey’s Anatomy for years… Yeah, I thought all the “graceful” chewing might add a dimension.

  3. Paul · · Reply

    Cool video GG. It is fun to see what it was like at BlogHer. I doubt I shall ever get to visit one.

    1. Paul · · Reply

      By the way, I just watched Get Smart (the movie) and I must say Anne Hathaway bears a strong resemblance to you.

    2. If you have a choice between visiting BlogHer or, for example, Burning Man, I’d say choose the latter. Not that I’ve ever been.

  4. *giggling* that was AMAZING! Good grief! I love your recap better than any of the others 😀

    1. Well, that’s high praise indeed. Thanks, Miss-Wilding-it-Round-Murica!

  5. What is BlogHer, Where is BlogHer, and are men with proper shirts on who have blogs allowed?

    Yes, that is a rhetorical question.

    Don’t know what feminism means, either, at least not for the masses. I do know what it means for me, though. I am one, and I work pretty hard to spread some feminism on the internet.

    Thanks for the peek into BlogHer!

    1. While there was a huge delay, I can now answer your (rhetorical) questions because I’m obsessive like that:

      BlogHer is an annual blogging conference generally geared towards women, but men are definitely allowed. They pick a different part of the country every year and they charge a few hundred dollars for it.

      I like “quiet” feminism. I should probably define that or come up with a different term.

      1. Thanks for this. I’d forgotten all about leaving this comment. I am intrigued by this idea of “quiet” feminism.

      2. By “quiet,” I think I mean action rather than loud words. True actions, not showy ones. An authentic attitude rather than soapboxing. I still have to work it out in my mind.

  6. omg….these vids….I die. So funny and cute! Nice dance moves, girls. Looks like sooooo much fun. 🙂

    1. I think we’ll get to make our own, no?

  7. This is so amazing. I’m pretty sure I have no idea what feminism means, but I do know that I had one hell of a time with you ladies.

    1. We’ll get to do it again!

  8. mylifeaslucille · · Reply

    Your videos are by FAR the most entertainment of all conference goings-on. Just saying. You should prolly write BlogHer and tell them you would be willing to videograph the conference for a nominal-exorbitant fee. They should thank you in advance. Just saying.

    1. mylifeaslucille · · Reply

      Damn. I said, “just saying” twice. How awkward.

      1. Haha, now you said it three times!

    2. I should watch their official video. I got an email at some point that it was out.

  9. Finally watched your awesome “Oops” video. Did I see Samara running around behind you with a selfie-stick??

    That McModel was SO TALL… 😉

    1. You sure did see her in the background, sweetly smiling into her own portrait, haha! One of my favorite moments in the video.

  10. sarah cottrell · · Reply

    These videos are so adorable ♡


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