Through My Brain

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T is for too many things.

                                                                                                                     
Even when I used to daydream as a little girl — or lie in bed and fantasize I was some sort of hero — it had to have some basis in reality. I could be saving the helpless from a gang of thugs by somersault-dodging Jackie Chan-style and ingeniously using alley props, like garbage cans underfoot or feral cats to the face. But I couldn’t simply beat up the thugs and cast myself as that strong. Having the strength to beat up six thugs on my own was impossible, but outwitting them in some farfetched way, was merely farfetched, therefore perfect fodder for my fantasies.

Why I had fantasies typically ascribed to little boys, I’ll never know. But in them, I was super cool and cool has no gender.

This little field trip into the mind of baby GG is my roundabout way of making a point about the title of this post. You see, it’s flipping October, and I’m still trapped between the teeth of the evil alphabet from April. Almost nobody will know or care what I mean, and you’d think that would give me permission to be through with this self-imposed trap. But no, apparently I’m obsessed with seeing my self-punishment through. Yes, I’m playing with the damn word “through.”

Through My Brain

Freaking letter T. Possibly the easiest letter in the blasted alphabet for a topic.

Trap, trip, torment.

For the most part, I like to keep the alphabet post titles general because they’re supposed to be the quick anecdotes, the decluttering of the constantly abuzz GG brain. Any number of vague yet just-intriguing-enough titles would do to garner a click or two. But dammit no, self-punishing me had to come up with “tiles.”

“Tiles” as in the below pictures, taken during the time I became fixated with patterns, shapes and bars (as in cages, not alcohol dispensaries).

Tiles

Who in their right mind would click to read something entitled “Tiles”?

Not me. Not even if I were re-doing my bathroom.

To make matters worse, I can’t even remember exactly what about the images collected together made me think of tiles!

So I came to the conclusion that the post needed to be about fixations — like the one with patterns — with a T word thrown in the title. Total Obsession. That would certainly attract clicks.

Here’s where we finally get back to my little girl daydreams and how they had to have some sort of basis in reality:

“Total Obsession” would generate clicks, but would also be completely misleading because of its salacious implication. Even those too savvy to fall for bait-and-switch titles would expect something like, I don’t know, chocolate, and for sure, not tiles!

As you can see, I settled on “Through,” because I have plenty of “through” pictures too. Through arches. Through windows.

Through

It could’ve been about anything, really, this post.

But between the “total obsession” with collecting like items together and the (still-upcoming) treasure hunt, the mind that needed an element of truth in childhood fantasies, in adulthood needs to keep on the pictorial track she set out, be it commitment or punishment at this point. To think the squiggly torture devices known as the alphabet were meant to be my throwaway posts…

Track. True. Throwaway.

You can’t do throwaways when you’re incapable of throwing away.

May as well stay true and suffer through.

 

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T


~ Part of the A to Z Challenge ~
A post a day except Sunday for the month of April to cover topics beginning with each letter of the alphabet. Events always real, names always changed.

Cathartic Monkeyism returns in May.


GG◊  Thanks for your comments, shares and likes. Most of all, sincere thanks for reading.
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11 comments

  1. The Dutch would be proud to have such a collection. You are an artist. Through and through and through.

    1. And you’re a fairy. And an artist. A fairy-artist. With butterfly wings. (I was thinking about you this morning, hence all the “fairy” stuff.)

      1. I would like to be one of them. Sadly at the moment I feel rather like a giraffe or camel, or something rather ungainly, though exotic and probably still sparkly, but not quite right.

      2. Mostly because I’m tired. Which (as I was told by a wise man, recently) is a foil which makes sadness shine all the brighter. And so I feel hopeless and ungainly and awkward and uncertain. Even though I have people to contradict every one of those feelings.

      3. Well, then, get some rest, woman! (If it’s really as simple as that.)

      4. I should. But I have so so much to do…

  2. Love the “Through” pics GG. My fantasies have to be possible too – if not probable. Just yesterday I argued that a unicorn is likely but not Pegasus (volume to mass density ratio too high to fly). ha!

    Oh, by the way GG, I just did a post over at Willowdot21’s https://willowdot21.wordpress.com/2015/10/13/if-we-were-having-coffee-august-232015/ if you have the time to drop by.Thank You.

  3. Gretchen Kellaway · · Reply

    I Thoroughly enjoyed this. I felt like I was inside my own mind, trapped in the whirling swirls of my obsession with absorbing and reading and knowing and thinking. The images brought out another story. I always thought of myself as a realistic fantasy dreamer. Thought provoking. Tongue twisting. Torn in two directions but always seeking the plausable. No. No, never throwaway pieces. Just hold on, go back, add too and go through! Delightful.

  4. T… I think you nailed it! Through. Torturing. Track. Throw away. Trap. Trip. Torment.

    I actually love them all. I would encapsulate it with: Tantalizing. 🙂

    1. You’re so lovely for visiting all these posts, thank you!

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