There’s a surprise in the post, and in the surprise, a first-time public reveal…
I’m playing with two thoughts. One is the line between narcissism for the sake of the self and entertainment for the sake of others, and two is the idea of transparency.
What actually is a personal blog? Public therapy? Community? Mental masturbation? Decluttering of the head? Worthwhile for the sake of writing?
I would include “giant plea for attention,” but who’re we kidding, any creative endeavor we share has an innate “love me” entreaty built into it. And it’s okay.
For the most part, the only people who get bloggers and why we blog, are other bloggers. The personal blogger isn’t taken seriously by anyone involved in high art, or in fact, anything intellectual. Unless we end up in a publication, we don’t even get to call ourselves “writers,” and are instead stuck with kind of a cartoony word.
“Blog” sounds like a combination of “glug” and “bog,” and makes me think of “blogging” as swallowing mouthfuls of bog water while letting out funny noises from the throat. Just repeat the word out loud and watch your face in the mirror.
It’s been an ongoing dilemma to reconcile the literary aesthete in me with the part of me that’s not only proud, but passionate about my blog.
I write a blog that isn’t so much about me as it is me. It’s like I am my own body of work. If that sounds self-obsessed, it’s because it is. Why lie.
This brings me to my second thought: transparency. I may be self-obsessed (most of you are too). But I’m also deeply obsessed with steering this self to be accomplished, guileless and kind. That means even more than wanting to be loved, I want to be good. For me, that begins with honesty. Truth-telling. Not doing anything I’d feel shame over or need to keep secret.
Besides, in this age of privacy-depleted internet, choosing to be transparent is far less stressful than worrying about what people can find out about you.
Sometimes, this takes practice. Sometimes, it’s hard to admit to people who hold me in high intellectual esteem that I even run a personal blog.
Who does a personal blog truly serve? Can it ever transcend to art? Are truth and art diametrically opposed? We already know that “reality,” when it comes to television, is the antithesis of both art and truth. But can actual reality ever become art?
I don’t have the answers to these questions.
So instead, I’m plunging further down the totem pole with a likely self-indulgent but redeemably self-aware – and potentially entertaining – experiment:
Today I enter the realm of – gasp! – video logging.
(I refuse to call it “vlog” because it sounds even sillier than “blog.” At least “blog” has that funny ring, whereas “vlog” sounds like painful Viking weaponry.)
I’ve decided to embrace the idea of myself as my own body of work. Maybe I need to prove to myself that it isn’t narcissism but entertainment for others. But that’s for you to judge.
The truth is, a year ago I recorded close to a hundred 5-minute clips of myself yammering to… You? Myself? My computer? The cosmos? One day, I abruptly stopped, thinking, this is disgraceful. Now I watch those same clips and I’m riveted. I’m slowly forming an idea about how to use them in a project. But first, let’s see how my first-ever public video log works out.
In the video, the idea is to achieve in person the same Gunmetal Geisha written voice by which I seek to enlighten and be enlightened, show my true self and entertain.
If you like it, do subscribe to the YouTube channel because I won’t need too much encouragement to move forward with video side projects to supplement Gunmetal Geisha.
- Even monkeys get nervous.
[If video doesn’t play, click here]
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